tales of the (i)phone

This guy calls today and leaves a voicemail. First he introduces himself by name and asks what part of town I am in. Then tells me his height and weight which I suppose he considers impressive. To me those are 2 meaningless statistics. And that he works out 5 days a week. At the end he says he wants some “pampering.” I have a strong aversion to that word- no explanation. If I was my politically incorrect son, I would say, ‘it sounds gay.’ (And as Seinfeld would say not that there's anything wrong with it) One more irritating tidbit, in closing he calls me “Sweetie.” Mildly annoyed but not offended, I return the call. Having compassion for most of humanity, I know he deserves that at a minimum. But what was his purpose? To entice me? Make me say, “You sound really hot.” which I would never say because it feels like a forced response. I am just friendly and polite, maybe alittle playful. He repeats his numerical statistics again. I would enjoy answering, “I don’t give a rats ass. You are dollar bills and I like you no matter what you look like.” He elaborates on how important it is to take good care of yourself and be the best person you can be and he sees other people his age who do not follow that motto with undesirable results. He repeats the P-word again. Asks twice if I have anything tonight which I answered no to twice. Do they think I didn’t hear them correctly the first time or that I am lying and will change my mind about it after a second chance or ????He has to check his schedule and call me back. We left it at that.

I believe I could get over my distaste for his treasuring of numerical data about himself, if I understood its secret meaning. On my website I don’t write my measurements. or my weight. I have pictures, so they get the idea. I do claim my height since that could be a preference thing for some. My height matters cause I’m getting paid. Theirs doesn’t cause they are paying. Any insights are welcome.

The other day a wanker called me. So titled because he is trying to use me by phone to get off. Am I offering phone sex? No. I felt off my game because I let him get away with it. He probably was pretty polished about the way he slid himself into it. The scenario I was supposedly going to join him was multi-hours with his girlfriend. Spoken with an English accent, “And we play these games you know and I thought you could pretend to be her mother and teaching her how to have sex” Ok, that sounds hot. He asks me my boundaries and goes on to envision very extreme scenes we can all 3 engage in. I am not really encouraging, yet playing along. As he continues, he brags that she is really young, 18 years old but looks even younger. Now I’m getting nervous. I told him I’d be checking her I.D. I am actually wondering if I can enjoy an 18 year old and feel suspect of his claim that she looks younger. So is he secretly into kids? “The line that chilled our conversation was his, “Yeah but when I’m on top of her fucking her ass, she looks 13. It’s amazing!” I responded, “I wouldn’t want to fuck a 13 year old.” “Why not?” he asked as if I just refused a bottle of the best wine. “Maturity levels.” I replied. I wish I had remitted a more pointed retort to that. But I do believe that a fantasy with consensual adults is cool. Taking advantage of underage kids is wrong. (and there is always grey areas.) He promised to call me back to schedule and I knew he wouldn’t.